


Veracity

by lionofwrath



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kylo attempts romance, M/M, Minor Character Death, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Assault, Slut Shaming, basically terrible things happen to Hux, consensual Hux/Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-02 00:17:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6542611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionofwrath/pseuds/lionofwrath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a kink meme prompt.<br/>Everyone’s seen the sexually explicit holos of Hux and high ranking members of the Resistance. Hux is disgraced, loses his command, and is abused by his crew. Ren tries to help, in his own way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a fill for the prompt below and then became something rather different, aka kinda fluffy romance.  
> As a disclaimer: I have nothing against any Resistance members, it was suggested by anons that Leia and\or Poe be the aggressors here. I'm only guilty of actually writing it. *flees*
> 
> The prompt: Everybody knows that Person A had sex with Person B. There are some holos out there of them getting fucked and seemingly enjoying it, and they tease, shame, harass and even sexually assault Person A because they have *seen* how much of a slut they are. The truth, however, is that Person B raped Person A and nobody believes them/they can't tell/they don't actually remember/other.

Hux can hear the raucous laughter from the officer’s lounge all the way down the corridor. He freezes near the entrance, already knowing what the topic of conversation is, the same thing it always is since those negotiations with the Resistance took place.

‘...seen that one?’

‘Mm, yes. Whenever I watch him talk all I can think of is how good he looked drooling around a mouthful of cock.’

Hux digs his nails into his palms hard enough to cut skin if he wasn’t wearing gloves.

‘How about that one where he’s taking them both up the arse?’

Noises of agreement filter out into the hall. ‘That’s a good one.’

‘I didn’t even know that was possible.’ A chorus of laughter.

‘That’s because you’re young and innocent.’

‘He’s got a point though, hasn’t he? That isn’t easy to do, it takes training, practice.’ The voice has a suggestive emphasis. ‘Slut’s done it before, probably with those two.’

‘I can’t believe we were taking orders from someone who spread his legs for the Resistance. It’s practically treason.’

‘Now that’s not fair, it can’t be called treason since he wasn’t giving them information, his tongue was far too busy with other things.’

There’s another round of laughter and it’s too much for Hux to take, hearing his officers discuss just how much of a whore he is behind his back. Not that they won’t say those things in front of him too, he’s lost all respect in their eyes and some of them are even bold enough to leer at or grope him openly. The entire crew knows he’s being relieved of his command because of what happened and they’re taking gleeful advantage of his inability to reprimand them.

Hux doesn’t remember much of what was done to him, not really, a few flashes of recollection while he’s awake and terrible nightmares that leave him achingly hard. It doesn’t matter though, not when there’s recorded evidence of the whole incident freely available on the Holonet. He’s positive everyone in the First Order has seen the holos and he forced himself to watch through every single one of them too because he needed to know. The holos are expertly made, he’ll give Organa that, graphic scenes of Hux being fucked and dominated in every way possible by Organa and one of her commanders while he moans and whines like a whore. She was careful to make sure that his head was turned towards the recorder as frequently as possible so there would be no doubt who he was or how much he was enjoying it. The memories make him feel sick, the sight of his own face twisted in pleasure, his voice needy, begging for release, body writhing against the smallest amount of friction, and he swallows thickly against the taste of bile in the back of his throat.

Hux goes back down the corridor, he can’t face his officers right now. The truth is that he was drugged and raped but he hasn’t told anyone that, he’s sure no one, not even in the First Order, is going to believe him because the mere idea that the upstanding General Organa and her commander could be capable of such an act is beyond ludicrous. It hurts though, how quickly and easily his crew accepted the convenient holos as proof that Hux was fraternising with the enemy, how no one even considered that there might be more to the situation then the obvious. But apparently they think it’s far more likely that Hux is just a slut who can’t get enough of being fucked and not an unwilling participant. The recordings were a strategic strike designed to disgrace him, remove him as an obstacle in her path to victory, and he could almost admire Organa’s successful execution of her plan if it wasn’t so abhorrent.

Hux can feel eyes on him as he walks back to his quarters, crew members staring at his arse, a few of them whistle at him and he grits his teeth trying not to look at them.

 

Hux enters his quarters and lingers at the door, locking it carefully and calmly before turning around and dropping to his knees. He wraps his arms around himself, shivering, trying to hold the ripped mess of his uniform together. The analytical part of his mind informs him that he’s in shock, listing causes, symptoms, treatments. Hux can’t understand any of it and just kneels on the floor trembling, replaying his latest assault over and over, trying to find something he could have done to stop them. It’s an exercise in futility and not helping the dizzy sickness in his head and stomach.

He makes himself get back to his feet and stagger into the refresher, stripping his ruined clothing off mechanically. This isn’t the first time he’s been attacked but this group was smarter about it, learning from the mistakes of the others. He wonders if they brag to each other about what they’ve done, discuss possible scenarios for going after him. These ones made sure to gag him so he couldn’t bite and had also blindfolded him so he couldn’t see their faces. They never spoke either, a smart move, Hux would have recognised their voices if he’d heard them again. He hadn’t been expecting the previous assault, despite his crew’s lack of respect for him and their certainty that he was a traitorous whore, he didn’t think any of them would actually force themselves on him. Obviously he had miscalculated not just how much they disliked him but that they would do this to him more than once. He’s hurt worse than last time too, less from fighting back and more from the violent abuse.

Hux catches sight of his reflection in the mirror, too pretty and pale, bruises and drying blood darkening on his skin and he shudders. He wants to break the mirror so he won’t have to see the proof of what they’ve done to him but he can’t deal with the mess that would make so he simply sighs and looks away. The shower is too hot and heavy on his sore body, stinging open cuts as the blood runs off and down the drain but the water doesn’t wash off the feeling of hands on him, in him.

Hux clenches his teeth hard enough to make his jaw ache even more and tries to catalog his injuries dispassionately. He’s learned the hard way not to go to the med bay for assistance, the staff there had subjected him to a combination of snide insults and utter contempt. One of them had made a memorably vulgar joke about how even sluts needed to use lube and the others had laughed as they tended to his injuries, taking the opportunity to grope him just as roughly as his attackers. So he’ll cope on his own, he has a first aid kit and anything worse than that… Hux shakes his head, it isn’t worse than that, no sense in worrying about next time when he has enough to deal with now.

He barely makes it to his bed before collapsing with exhaustion and he curls up in the blankets as much as he can, the fabric makes a pathetic shield but it’s all he has.

 

He works his next shift despite the state he’s in, determinedly ignoring the purposefully not-quite whispered comments that follow him everywhere. The whole crew seems to know what happened yesterday or a version of it in any case. Traitor whore seems to be their favourite term for him and while it’s not particularly creative it’s pointed enough to hurt him anyway, adding more humiliation to the physical pain. He’s anticipating being attacked again on his way back to his quarters so he moves as quickly as he can and heaves a relieved sigh when he finally locks his door.

Hux glances at his desk briefly before bed, the reports he usually works through after his shift are piling up because he’s left them for so long but he just can’t be bothered anymore. It’s a small, petty revenge to leave them for his replacement but petty is the only victory he’s going to have. He’s already been informed that he’ll be shipped off to some worthless backwater outpost for the rest of his life and the fact that he’s not being stripped of his rank only makes it worse, as if he’s simply become irrelevant. Hux is glad his parents didn’t live to see their son’s disgrace, if he’s mentioned in the history accounts at all it’ll be as a footnote, the general who whored himself out to the Resistance.

 

The next day Ren returns and Hux regrets not checking the messages left on his desk.

 

Ren accosts him as soon as they see each other, shoving Hux up against a wall, wrenching his arms behind his back and leaning on them to pin him in place. He’s not rubbing himself against Hux though, just pressing their bodies together while he breathes heavily in Hux’s ear, the mask forcing Hux to tilt his head. It’s more annoying than threatening until Ren’s hands start wandering across his body, tracing the curve of his arse and his inner thighs.

‘You let her fuck you? Why her?’ His fingers dig into Hux’s hips and he bites his tongue against the flare of pain. Ren’s tone is angry but there’s something else in it too, disappointment.

‘Jealous, Ren? Desperate for mother’s attention?’ Hux hisses out, knowing he’s hit a nerve as Ren snarls angrily.

‘No, of course not. I’m only surprised that your standards are so low. You really are a slut who’ll let anyone fuck him.’ Ren jerks at his hips as if in demonstration, his hands drifting lower again.

Hux doesn’t have a reply, not when he’s starting to believe that the lies they’re saying about him are true. He can’t remember, after all, maybe he had wanted to be fucked and he deserves the humiliation of everyone knowing about it. Ren is still touching him, almost lazily, and he can’t deal with that in combination with his own thoughts. ‘So fuck me then, since I’m such a slut.’ Hux snaps at him, making Ren’s hands pause in their motion.

‘No. You’re damaged goods and I have no desire to debase myself with a whore.’ Ren backs off him and strides away. Hux braces himself against the wall, trying to breathe and regain some of his lost composure.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing General Torrin does when she steps off the shuttle is look Hux over very slowly, appraisingly, as if she’s about to purchase a valuable item and needs to make certain of it’s quality. The disgust in her eyes is familiar, Hux sees it on his crew’s faces all the time but there’s lust in hers as well and he’s positive she’s picturing him naked.

‘You’re a disgrace to the First Order.’ Torrin offers as a greeting with a cruel smile on her lips.

It seems like a hypocritical comment considering the way she’s looking at him but Hux replies with a calmness he doesn’t feel. ‘General. This way.’

The transfer of the Finalizer to Torrin’s command is upsettingly easy and in a few minutes Hux is a general in name only. The loss is the final knife in his soul, he knows he should feel grief or rage but there’s only a numb void inside as he waits for the meeting to adjourn. She kept slanting sidelong glances at Hux throughout the process and he’s already resigned to the fact that she’s going to fuck him even before she orders everyone to leave the conference room.

‘Except you, Hux, we need to… discuss a few more issues.’ Torrin leers at him openly as her officers file out, leaning back in her chair and making a casual gesture with her hand. ‘Strip.’

Hux considers telling her to go to hell but there’s no real point, she’s taken everything that he truly cares about from him, his ship, his command, what does it matter if she has his body as well? He shrugs inwardly and starts to undress as Torrin watches him intently.

‘You should be thanking me for this privilege, not everyone gets to be fucked by both a First Order general and a Resistance one.’ She pushes him backwards onto the table, following him up to straddle his hips and smirk down at him. ‘Organa does have fantastic taste in whores.’

Closing his eyes makes Hux feel too vulnerable so instead he stares at the wall, memorising the imaginary flaws in its smooth surface. It should scare him, the ease with which he can dissociate himself from what’s being done to his body, but he’s had a lot of practice recently and he’s always been good at mental compartmentalization.

Hux only returns to himself after she’s left, wincing as he sits up and slides off the table to retrieve his uniform. He can make an educated guess at what she did to him based on where he hurts most but it’s not that bad, he’s experienced enough to be able to tell. That thought makes him laugh humourlessly, he really must be a slut if he can think of himself as experienced at being violently fucked.

 

He watches the holos again that night. To cause himself more pain or to try to remember how he actually felt, he isn’t sure. The Hux on the recording is riding the male Resistance commander, head thrown back and moaning like he’s getting paid for it. Organa grabs his hair and wrenches his head around to stare at the recorder, there’s cum on his mouth and he licks at it absently as he gazes blankly at nothing. Hux watches listlessly and finds it more and more difficult to convince himself that he’s not a whore.

When the holos finally end Hux curls into a ball on the floor and cries himself sick. He hasn’t wept in years but now he can’t seem to stop, he’s lost everything he’s worked so hard for, everything he’s ever cared about and despite his enforced outward calm he’s not truly emotionless enough to keep from being hurt. Hux almost can’t bring himself to get into bed but he doesn’t really want to sleep on the hard floor. Changing locations doesn’t help with the sobbing and even though he hates his own weakness he ends up crying himself to sleep.

 

Ren is the first person Hux runs into when he leaves his quarters. They won’t be his for much longer and he was seriously considering staying put until he’s shipped out to his new command. He wishes he had when Ren appears and crowds him into a wall. Hux wonders if this is finally it, if Ren is going to give in to his obvious desire and fuck him. Images from the holos drift unbidden across his mind, the surreal sensation of watching himself from the outside mixed with the occasional piece of a true memory. He can feel Ren trying to reach into his head and read his thoughts even as his hands grope down Hux’s body. It’s as unpleasant as every other attempt Ren has made to get into his mind but Hux doesn’t have the will to resist it now and he gives in, letting Ren rummage around wherever he wants.

There’s a sharp indrawn breath from Ren’s vocaliser that echoes oddly. ‘You don’t remember?’ He says abruptly, surprised. Hux hasn’t been paying much attention, too focussed on trying to breathe while Ren’s fingers are sliding down the back of his trousers. ‘I thought… Why don’t you remember?’

Ren stops both his physical and mental invasions and Hux almost falls down the wall as he moves away. It proves to be too much effort to catch himself before he hits the floor and Hux kneels there for a moment before he recalls Ren’s question. ‘Remember what?’ He asks tiredly, more for something to say then because he has any genuine interest in Ren’s comment. Hux twists around so he can glance up at Ren, the mask is looking down at him, tilted in puzzlement.

‘Organa fucking you.’ He says bluntly.

‘No.’ Hux doesn’t see any point in lying, not when Ren can find the truth in his thoughts. ‘I was drugged.’

Ren pulls his helmet off and crouches next to Hux, looking strangely horrified. ‘Drugged? Then those holos are… Why didn’t you tell anyone?’

‘Tell who? You? Don’t make me laugh, Ren.’ Not that he really can, none of this is remotely funny.

‘Yes, me. You could have told me. You can tell me now.’ Ren’s stare is too intense, too personal and Hux turns his head away to avoid meeting those eyes.

‘The truth isn’t relevant, not anymore. No one’s going to believe me.’ It hurts worse when he says it aloud, the cold knowledge that because of the existence of those holos no one will take him seriously if he tries to claim he was raped.

‘Hux, tell me.’ Ren’s deep voice is so soft and insistent that he doesn’t sound like himself and Hux can still feel his eyes on him.

‘I didn’t want it. The… things they did to me… I didn’t want any of it.’ He finally admits, quietly enough that he doesn’t know if Ren can even hear him, slumping further down the wall in defeated shame, waiting for Ren to either laugh at him or attack him.

‘I believe you.’ Ren whispers. He sounds almost kind, like he cares, and Hux watches Ren carefully as he slides down the wall to sit beside him. He’s a little too close for comfort but Hux doesn’t mind as much as he should, not with the overwhelming relief he feels at hearing Ren say those simple words.

‘Really?’ Hux asks, because he’s pathetic and he needs to hear it again.

‘I believe you. I will always believe you.’ Ren’s tone is stressed but his gaze is fixed unwaveringly on Hux, his eyes unusually hard to read.

Hux draws his knees up to his chest and rests his head on them, he’s already sitting on the floor, it’s not as if he can be more undignified. ‘She’s your mother. Why… how can you accept hearing that about her?’

‘We’re not exactly close.’ Ren says dryly, then his face twists in disgust. ‘She’s always been so determined, desperate to win… I don’t know if I ever really knew her at all.’ He shakes his head and Hux just studies him, Ren’s opening up to him and he isn’t sure why.

There’s silence between them for a moment before Ren starts speaking again. ‘You shouldn’t be sent away, there must be something we can do. Tell people what she did, that it’s not your fault.’

Hux snorts derisively and gives a rote dispassionate reply that he doesn’t mean. ‘I shouldn’t have been careless enough to allow myself to be drugged. I can accept the consequences-’

Ren growls angrily, cutting him off. ‘No, this isn’t your fault. We’ll find a way to fix this.’

‘Some things can’t be fixed once they’re broken, Ren.’ Hux can hear the resignation in his own voice. ‘And why do you care about any of this? I thought you hated me.’ Hux is actually asking a real question, their relationship seems to be changing so quickly since they started talking that he’s having trouble keeping up.

‘I don’t dislike you.’ Ren sounds defensive, looking away. Hux suppresses a sigh, he shouldn’t really have expected a clear answer and he’s in no mood to try to decipher Ren right now. ‘It’s not fair that you have to leave.’ Ren’s pouting now, his lower lip stuck out.

The sight is an irritating reminder of how immature Ren acts sometimes and Hux is already snapping at him. ‘Don't be a child, Ren. Life isn't fair.’

‘It’s not right.’ Ren stresses the word hard, glaring at Hux as if daring him to contradict, suddenly seeming like an adult again.

Hux is the one who has to look away this time. ‘No, it’s not.’ He murmurs into his knees.

Bizarrely Ren leans in and presses a kiss into Hux’s hair, an arm creeping around his shoulders. Hux jerks his head up. ‘What are you-’ And then Ren’s mouth is on his and Hux tenses in fear, expecting pain, but the kiss is so gentle, as if Ren’s afraid Hux will flee or break. He’s too shocked to return it, thinking of all the reasons Ren could possibly be doing this. ‘So, you’ve decided you want Organa’s damaged whore after all?’ He regrets the words as soon as he speaks them as Ren’s face darkens in anger, his arm tightening around Hux.

‘You are not a whore. I’ll kill anyone who calls you that, anyone who touches you.’

Hux can’t help but laugh harshly at Ren’s sudden fierce protectiveness, it’s far too little, far too late. ‘Then you’ll have to kill the entire crew.’

‘Maybe not all of them.’ Ren concedes thoughtfully. ‘But I will kill whoever did this to you.’ He traces the cut on Hux’s cheekbone, his split lip. Hux had forgotten about them, they’re such minor injuries, but he gets the idea that Ren isn’t only thinking about the wounds on his face.

He can’t stop himself from leaning into Ren’s touch, his fingers tangling in Ren’s foolish scarf to keep him from moving away. ‘I’m being reassigned Ren, you can’t do anything to stop that.’ The words are wistful, longing for something Hux can’t even name. Ren pulls him closer until Hux is partially curled against his chest and it feels so nice that he can’t be bothered to find a reason to object.

‘I’ll figure something out.’ Ren says firmly and Hux can’t help but be torn between worry and intrigue at what kind of terrible plan Ren is going to come up with.


	3. Chapter 3

Ren is waiting outside his door, Hux isn’t sure if he knew that he was going to come out at precisely this moment or if Ren has been standing there since yesterday. ‘Torrin’s summoned you.’

It’s not a question but Hux answers anyway. ‘Yes.’

Even though Ren’s wearing his mask Hux can imagine his expression from the anger in his voice. ‘Is she going to hurt you?’

‘Yes.’ There’s the slightest tremble in the word.

Ren pulls Hux roughly against his chest, his voice harsh through his mask. ‘I won’t let her.’

‘You’re wrinkling my uniform, Ren.’ Hux says feebly, his attempt to push Ren away equally weak and if anything Ren hugs him harder.

‘I promise.’ Ren breathes in his ear before releasing him.

 

It’s a promise Ren keeps and Hux gets a certain satisfaction out of seeing the frustration mount on Torrin’s face as she fails to get rid of Ren so she can have him to herself. Eventually she gives up and leaves instead.

Hux gives Ren a tentative smile of thanks but Ren isn’t paying attention to him, he’s staring after the other general and Hux can almost feel the anger radiating off him. ‘I’m taking you back to your quarters. You will stay there until I come see you again.’ He says abruptly, the mask turning to fix Hux with an unseen glare.

Hux is offended at Ren’s presumption and has a retort half-formulated before Ren cuts him off. ‘Hux, please. Don’t go anywhere alone.’

Hearing Ren say please is enough to stun Hux into temporary compliance and they walk in silence to his quarters. Ren pauses at the door to trail his hand lightly down Hux’s arm, squeezing his fingers briefly before moving back to let the door close. The contact leaves a lingering warmth even through both their gloves and Hux finds himself unexpectedly reassured by it.

 

Hux decides to stay in his quarters, not precisely because he’s obeying Ren, but because he knows that he’s at risk of being assaulted again. The thought scares him, it was nice to have Ren with him throughout the morning, to be able to walk around without being constantly harassed and threatened. It had made him feel powerful and in control, but he reminds himself that he’s not and it’s folly to think otherwise.

He starts to skim the reports he’s neglected for something to pass the time until Ren comes to see him, whatever that means. Hux wonders what the hell Ren is up to, what this thing that’s developing between them is but it’s too confusing for him to sort through and he tries to focus on reading instead.

It’s not working and he’s distracted with Ren until he finds a report about a gruesome double murder and suicide that occurred last night. Hux frowns as he reads it, people don’t usually commit murder on his ship, and this was apparently a tragic result of a love affair gone wrong but there’s something about it that bothers Hux. He doesn’t recognise the victims personally beyond a general idea of what his officers look like and he dismisses the report with a shrug, unable to pin down why he feels uneasy about the incident.

 

When Ren appears at his door again it’s with a covered tray that’s promptly shoved at Hux. ‘I brought you food.’

Hux takes the tray before it falls to the floor and gives Ren a curious look as he moves aside to let him in.

‘So you don’t have to go out.’ Ren offers in explanation.

‘Oh.’ Hux hasn’t had much of an appetite for the past few weeks but it’s a thoughtful gesture nevertheless. ‘Thank you.’ He adds as he places the tray on a table by the couch.

Ren doesn’t wait for an invitation and simply slouches onto the couch, pulling off his helmet.

‘Ren-’

‘I haven’t eaten either, I…’ Ren flushes a bright red and mumbles quickly. ‘I thought we could eat together.’

‘Oh.’ Hux says again, even as part of him thinks that he might be able to handle food if Ren is with him. He shouldn’t feel this secure with Ren, he’s volatile and dangerous, but he’s also the only person to express any concern for Hux, has actually gone out of his way to protect Hux from more abuse.

Ren stands suddenly, his face still red. ‘I’ll leave-’

‘No, stay.’ Hux tries unsuccessfully to catch his eyes. ‘I… I want you to stay, Ren.’

The smile that Ren gives him is startlingly attractive and then he drops back onto the couch. Hux sits next to him, they’re very close to each other but he justifies it as necessary to share the tray. Ren passes him various tidbits, that smile reappearing on his face every time Hux manages to eat something and he realises he’s eating just to make Ren keep smiling at him. It’s a pleasantly genuine expression, as if he’s truly happy that Hux is sitting here accepting food from him, and when Hux attempts his own faint smile back it only makes Ren grin wider. He knows he shouldn’t be so easily swayed by so simple a gesture but it feels like such a long time since he’s been treated as if he’s worth anything and he’s almost startled by the revelation that he’s important in some way to Ren.

One of Ren’s hands creeps around his waist as they sit and eat and Hux finds himself leaning against a broad shoulder by the time they’re finished. He gazes at his own hand resting on Ren’s muscular thigh and is abruptly reminded of how much larger and stronger than him Ren is. Realistically he’s more than capable of taking whatever he desires from Hux by physical force, or mental Force, and Hux shivers at the thought before trying to dismiss it. Ren has had ample opportunities to fuck him in whichever way he pleases and he hasn’t taken advantage of any yet.

‘What do you want from me?’ Hux asks warily, because he honestly can’t figure out what Ren’s up to.

‘I don’t know.’ Ren admits, frustration evident in his deep voice. ‘But if you leave I’ll never find out.’ Ren’s hand comes up to trace Hux’s lips, his fingers sticky with the juice of the fruit they were eating and Hux licks at them instinctively, the caress of his tongue on bare skin making Ren shudder. ‘Can I kiss you?’

Hux glances up sharply, feeling suddenly threatened, but Ren isn’t looking at him the way everyone else seems to these days, his eyes aren’t filled with lust or hate. There’s something else there, something wonderful that Hux wants more desperately than he’s ever wanted anything. ‘Yes.’

Ren doesn’t need more encouragement than that. His arms are warm around Hux and his mouth is even warmer, his tongue teasing Hux’s lips apart with slow, careful licks. Hux has never thought of Ren as being kind or considerate but this kiss is as gentle as their first and he relaxes even as he feels Ren’s tongue sliding into his mouth. He clutches at Ren’s shoulders and hair for support, winding his fingers through soft, dark strands as Ren tugs him closer. He’s practically in Ren’s lap, and the first spike of panic hits him as their thighs slide together. Hux breaks off the kiss, breathing hard as he turns his head away to find a spot on the wall to focus on while Ren fucks him, cursing himself because he should have anticipated this would happen.

‘Hux!’ The sheer amount of horrified worry that Ren manages to cram into that one syllable is enough to bring Hux back to himself. He’s propped up against the back of the couch and Ren is hovering over him in obvious distress but being very careful to not actually touch him, his hands flapping uselessly in the air. It would almost be funny if Hux wasn’t still trying to fight back his fear.

‘I would never hurt you like that. If you need me to stop just say it and I will.’ Ren’s serious words are a stark contrast to his waving arms and Hux grabs at them in irritation to still the motion, making Ren freeze at the contact.

Hux stares at their interlaced fingers for a moment, trying to sort through his muddled emotions. He’s fairly sure that Ren is telling him the truth, it appears he stopped as soon as he realised that Hux was disassociating, and the thought occurs to him again that Ren actually cares about his feelings, about what he wants. Hux fervently hopes that’s true as he uses their joined hands to direct Ren back down onto the couch beside him. He doesn’t know how to ask Ren to keep holding him so he settles one of Ren’s hands on his shoulder and the other on his hip before leaning in to rest his head on Ren’s chest. Fortunately Ren gets the idea and wraps his arms around Hux in response, tentatively at first but when Hux makes an involuntary noise of contentment Ren’s grip tightens. There’s a sense of peace and security in Ren’s arms that he can’t properly express even to himself and he resolves to simply allow himself to enjoy it rather than analyse it.

Ren hugs him closer, pleading with him. ‘Will you stay in your quarters? So you’ll be safe? I’ll bring you more food.’

Hux laughs at the attempt at bribery before he realises Ren is being serious. ‘I suppose I will.’ At least until the ship arrives to take him to his new command but he can’t say that and ruin this quiet comfort they have, he wants to hold onto it so he has something to remember Ren by.


	4. Chapter 4

Hux drifts out of sleep slowly, languidly, until he’s awake enough to appreciate the welcome change from the abruptness of being startled from a nightmare. As he opens his eyes he finds himself in his own bed next to a conspicuously empty spot that’s still warm from body heat. Ren had been in his bed. A vague memory of Ren carrying him here accompanies the knowledge, swiftly followed by a cold fear that claws into his chest. Hux makes an effort to keep breathing, reassuring himself that he’s still dressed in the clothes he was yesterday and he’s not in any pain.

The constriction in his throat eases enough that he can start to relax again and he stares at his fingers clutching the sheets where Ren had been lying. Now that the fear is ebbing it’s being replaced by a kind of curiosity at the strange thought of having Ren in bed with him. He’s upset about it, feeling as though Ren has violated the sanctity of a place that was solely Hux’s, but at the same time there’s a sort of thrill in it. Hux releases his grip on the sheets to smooth them down then on a whim presses his face into them. The fabric smells of the indefinable scent that is Ren and a hot flare of need coils tight inside him, it’s not quite true arousal but he’s still surprised at the intensity.

It’s not as though he’s never thought of Ren that way, their arguments always riled them both up so much that Hux couldn’t help but wonder if it was misplaced affection that made them snipe at each other with such precision. He hadn’t found the right time to confess what he felt though and then it had been too late, Hux had gone to that ill-fated negotiation with the Resistance and everything had collapsed. He doesn’t want to follow that line of thought and instead runs his fingertips lightly over the sheets, thinking what it would feel like to run them over Ren’s bare skin, to let him explore Hux’s body in turn. To actually want another person to touch him again, the notion is both wonderful and terrifying, more so for it to be Ren he wants. The image of Ren naked in his bed rises unbidden into his mind and Hux closes his eyes and shudders at the surge of lust. He’s not actually hard and he doesn’t fancy rubbing himself to orgasm against the sheets anyway but it’s reassuring to know that he hasn’t been ruined by what was done to him, that he’s still capable of feeling sexual desire. Even if it is for Ren, of all people, he reminds himself and laughs into the warm bed.

 

He remains there in a half-doze for a while, lazily taking advantage of the lack of obligations he currently has, no duty shifts, nothing to oversee, no reports to read. The boredom is starting to get to him when there’s a sudden chime from his datapad and he glances over at the table beside the bed to see the device perched on top. He doesn’t remember putting it there last night but why would Ren have moved it?

Hux reaches out a hand to snag the datapad off the table and sits up a little to balance it on his knees. The message is from Ren, it simply reads Watch this, and contains a live feed of security footage from somewhere on the ship. Hux watches it curiously for a few moments, not really registering what he’s seeing at first. Bodies are writhing on the ground of what appears to be the medical bay, there’s no sound accompanying the picture but Hux is fairly sure they’re screaming. He can’t fathom why Ren would send him this until he recognises some of the people, they’re part of the medical staff that he had once made the mistake of going to for aid after being assaulted. Studying the image more closely Hux can match their faces to his memories, this one had merely made a cruel joke, that one had actually violated him while using the excuse of checking for internal injuries.

Ren had sworn he would kill everyone who had ever touched Hux and it appears that he’s following through on that promise. The previous deaths that Hux had read a report on and been disquieted by must have likewise been orchestrated by Ren, though Hux never even saw some of his attackers Ren had discovered their identities somehow. He’s impressed at Ren’s skill in pulling the murders off and framing them as accidents, he didn’t think Ren understood the concept of subtlety. There’s a visceral satisfaction in watching even a few of the people who hurt him die in agony and he stares at the feed until the last of them stops moving. When it’s finally over though he just feels hollow, their deaths don’t really matter in a way that would change anything about his current situation.

Hux tosses the datapad carelessly back onto the bedside table and curls up in the middle of the bed to fall back into a restless sleep.

 

Ren barges into his bedroom an indeterminate amount of time later and Hux is immediately indignant, his earlier lethargy forgotten in the face of Ren’s rudeness. ‘What the hell, Ren? Didn’t you ever learn to knock?’

‘Would you have answered it?’ Ren pulls his helmet off slowly and fidgets with it for a moment before he decides to place it on the table.

‘Maybe.’ Hux sighs as Ren gives him a sad look and amends his response. ‘Yes. Probably.’ He’s not sure why he’s trying to appease Ren anyway and he slides over to sit on the edge of the bed, motioning at Ren to sit as well.

Ren doesn’t do so, just stares at him more before speaking. ‘I sent the ship away.’

Hux is momentarily confused at the change of subject. ‘What ship?’

‘The one that was going to take you away.’ Ren says, matter-of-factly.

‘Take me…’ Hux narrows his eyes at Ren in growing annoyance. ‘You countermanded the orders of the ship that was supposed to take me to my new command?’

Ren waves a hand in dismissal. ‘It’s a tactically unimportant outpost that’s barely manned, it’s a waste of your talents.’

Choking back the bitter laughter makes him cough as it sticks in his throat and Hux braces his elbows on his knees to steady himself.

‘Are you alright?’

When Hux raises his head Ren is watching him in worry, seemingly oblivious to his unfortunate wording. He offers a shrug in reply. ‘So you sent the ship away.’ Hux prompts Ren to continue, wondering what he’s supposed to do if he’s stuck on the Finalizer, he can hardly spend the rest of his life in his quarters.

‘Yes.’ Ren nods. ‘I have the authority to keep you here, as Master of the Knights of Ren.’ That’s an alarming statement and Hux slants a wary glance at Ren, it’s a disturbing reminder that the knight isn’t bound by the First Order’s strict military hierarchy, he’s never exercised his power so blatantly before this. Ren’s expression is pleased for a moment before it returns to worry. ‘But, you have to move into my quarters.’

‘What?’ Hux is positive he heard that incorrectly, surely Ren wouldn’t push him into something so intimate so fast.

‘Torrin wants the general’s suite for herself, so since I’m ordering you to stay you have to move in with me.’

‘No.’ Hux’s voice is very flat as he forces his turbulent emotions down. He’d thought Ren was different, that he wasn’t only interested in fucking Hux but it’s rapidly becoming obvious that Ren is playing some kind of twisted game with him. ‘Absolutely not. Get that ship back here-’

‘Hux-’

‘Was this your plan all along?’ There’s no inflection in his voice anymore and he doesn’t really expect an answer. He’s losing control over himself though, his hands curling inwards to dig his nails into his palms, the physical pain providing some relief from his mental torment.

‘I thought you’d be pleased, that you wanted to stay here with me.’ Ren’s voice is small, his face crestfallen.

Hux had, when he was under the impression that Ren was capable of being nice, that he didn’t want to abuse Hux like everyone else, but he was gravely mistaken about that. There’s nothing he can do about it though, he can hardly sleep on the floor somewhere where the rest of the crew will have easy access to him. He sneers at Ren. ‘I don’t have a choice, do I?’

‘No.’ Ren looks incredibly unhappy and Hux wants nothing more than to scream and hit him. ‘But it’ll be easier for me to protect you now.’ Ren’s voice turns hopeful and Hux can hear the unspoken words, that the price for Ren’s protection is sex, because why else would he force Hux into his quarters.

‘Am I allowed to bring my personal belongings?’ Hux asks icily, he’d rather they be in Ren’s dubious care than with Torrin.

‘Yes, of course.’ Ren is bewildered, glancing around as if searching for the items.

‘Then leave while I pack.’ His tone is hard enough that Ren doesn’t hesitate at going.

‘It will all work out, Hux. Don’t worry.’ Then he slips into the other room.

Hux waits impatiently until he hears the outer door close. Hot tears sting his eyes and he blinks them back angrily, he never should have been so stupid as to fall for Ren’s ruse of caring about him, but he had been lulled into a false sense of security and now he’s going to suffer for that lapse. By the time he finally manages to unclench his hands his palms are streaked in blood and he stares at it as it drips thickly onto the bed.

Hux washes his hands carefully before he starts packing up his meagre possessions. He’s never been that sentimental but as he places his things delicately into a bag he suddenly wishes he was, that there had been more to his life than this, his personal items barely fill it. One is a picture of himself and his parents on the day of his graduation from the Academy, they’re both smiling proudly at their son’s accomplishments. Hux wonders what they’d think of him now, he hasn’t been able to bring himself to look at the picture since he was publicly disgraced but he gazes at it longingly now, running his fingers over it as if he can memorise the image by touch. ‘I’m sorry.’ He whispers to his happy parents and to the younger version of himself before he places the picture in his bag, knowing that he’ll never be able to look at it again after Ren’s through with him. And here he’d thought that being sent to an outpost was the worst thing that could happen to him but at least that would have been his, he would have done his job and been able to take some pride in it. Now he won’t even have that.

Hux stops in front of his closet, debating whether he should bother taking his uniforms or not, ultimately deciding against it since he’s not truly a general anymore. He’s not sure there’s any point in packing any of his other clothes either, Ren might simply chain him naked to the bed or something similar, but he adds a few just in case.

‘I’m ready.’ He tells Ren blankly as he leaves his quarters for the last time. Ren’s put his mask back on and Hux can’t be bothered to figure out what he’s thinking, when Ren moves Hux trails after him despondently, at least the hallway is deserted so they don’t have an audience. He’s sure that the entire crew will know about this by tomorrow though, if they don’t know already, they’re terrible gossips, but that doesn’t really matter to him either. Hux looks down at the bag clutched in his arms, everything he possesses, he wonders if Ren will confiscate it from him, wonders if he should even care.

Ren’s quarters don’t interest him either, he stands in the middle of the room waiting for instructions, mechanically putting his bag down where Ren tells him to. He’s given up completely, part of him railing against his fate, telling him he should fight but he’s too exhausted and the inner voice fades to background noise. Hux is already slipping past numb when Ren leans in to kiss him and by the time Ren’s tongue is in his mouth he doesn’t feel anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should say that despite what this cliffhanger seems to imply, Ren does not sexually assault Hux.  
> I just like making chapter breaks between days and/or when people are sleeping.


	5. Chapter 5

He doesn’t want to wake up. If he does, he knows he’ll be in pain, that he’ll have to deal with the consequences of whatever Ren’s done to his body while he was mentally absent. Hux clings to the comforting black void but it’s slipping away from him and he braces himself for the agony that consciousness will bring. It never comes and his eyes flicker open in surprise. The wall in front of him is subtly different from his own and the bed is definitely not his, so he can’t dismiss the previous day as simply a nightmare. He’s alone though and still dressed and when he stretches cautiously he doesn’t feel the lingering ache between his legs that he’s become all too familiar with, the only conclusions are that Ren was either incredibly careful with him or he didn’t actually fuck Hux at all. He isn’t sure which of the two options is more far-fetched.

Ren is thankfully gone now but even as Hux thinks of him there’s a sensation of pressure against the edges of his mind. He snarls and tightens his thoughts, forming a shielding barrier from the invasive presence, Ren can fuck his body all he wants but Hux’s mind is far more important to him and he’s not going to let Ren in without a fight. The unpleasant sensation eases at his anger, withdrawing after one last caress that almost seems more like an apology then a threat. The idea is patently ridiculous and Hux immediately dismisses it as his own pathetic wishful thinking. He doesn’t have the luxury of imagining, even for a moment, that Ren cares about anything beyond how much sexual pleasure Hux can provide. Hurt and betrayal well up in him as he remembers all the foolish ideas he’d entertained about Ren, that they’d had some kind of emotional connection, the possibility of what he felt for Ren being reciprocated, but he buries the feelings and the memories. He’s nothing but a whore to Ren and Ren means nothing to him either.

 

Ren returns with breakfast, bringing it right into the bedroom to place in front of Hux like some sort of offering. Having Ren’s eyes on him makes him want to press himself into a corner and cower there but that’s no real defense against Ren so he merely sits passively on the bed.

‘Aren’t you going to eat?’ Ren asks after staring at him in silence for several interminable minutes.

Hux shakes his head. ‘No.’ The smell of the food makes his stomach churn, he’s not hungry and he’s worried if he does manage to choke something down he’ll just throw it up later.

Ren doesn’t seem to know what to do with his negative response, he actually tries to pass Hux some of the food as they had done before. It’s a sickening reflection of the intimacy they had shared and Hux gives Ren his best withering glare while he steadfastly refuses to accept anything from Ren’s hand. Ren grows more and more upset as his efforts fail and Hux is already tensing for his undoubtedly violent reaction but Ren doesn’t lash out.

Hux watches in bemusement as he simply takes the tray away and doesn’t come back, wondering if Ren is deliberately trying to confuse him by acting nice. The distinctive sound of the outer door closing reaches Hux and he vaguely considers making a run for it if the door isn’t locked. He coldly reminds himself that he has nowhere to go and being Ren’s exclusive fucktoy is better than letting the entire crew take turns with him.

 

Hux has never felt more trapped anywhere than he does stuck in Ren’s quarters. He explores them thoroughly while Ren is gone, examining what few personal items he can find carefully. They don’t tell him much about the man himself and Hux gives it up as useless. The most interesting thing is the half-melted mask that belonged to Darth Vader but merely being in the same room with it gives Hux chills and he opts to leave it alone. Ren returns to his quarters periodically to offer Hux more meals but he refuses all of them, won’t even engage Ren in any conversation since they have nothing to talk about. He feels like he’s balancing on the edge of a knife blade, waiting for the moment when Ren’s notoriously short temper reaches a breaking point and he attacks Hux.

 

As the sleep cycle approaches Ren comes back to his quarters to stay. He spares a worried glance at Hux as he removes his mask before going into the refresher. Hux isn’t sure how to interpret the look, he’s tried and jumpy from the expectation of violence but the assault never actually taking place. It will now though, he’s sure that Ren won’t sleep until he’s taken what he so obviously wants. It had seemed like folly to curl up in a corner earlier but Hux is scared now and it’s too simple to draw his knees up to his chest and wedge his back into the wall. The position won’t stop Ren but it’s more comforting to have his own arms around himself.

Ren panics when he can’t find Hux immediately, his gaze sweeping around the room frantically before his eyes finally settle on Hux. ‘I’m here, Hux. Are you coming to bed?’ He makes it sound like a gentle question instead of an order but Hux isn’t fooled.

‘Make me.’ He hisses back, the words are childish but they drip venom.

‘I’m not going to force you.’ Ren sounds strained, then hesitates, glancing between the bedroom and the couch. ‘You can sleep on the couch if you want.’ He heads into his bedroom and Hux watches in astonishment as the door closes.

Ren is still playing some kind of perverse game with Hux but he can’t figure out the rules, Ren’s every move is a contradiction to his previous one. At some point he’ll get bored enough to abandon the game though, Hux is sure of that, patience is most definitely not one of Ren’s virtues. Hux remains in his corner for a while but the door to Ren’s bedroom never re-opens and eventually he does sleep on the couch, he’ll need all his strength to endure whatever Ren does to him.

 

The next day passes in much the same way and by the end of it Hux’s nerves are frayed raw. He’s starting to flinch instinctively whenever Ren gets close to him and Ren knows it too, there’s a desperate look in his eyes whenever it happens. For some reason Ren always stops short of actually touching him, freezing in place and withdrawing when Hux starts feeling uncomfortable. It’s worse torture than if Ren had simply held him down and raped him, the constant anticipation each time Ren approaches him that this is it, now he’s going to be hurt. Strangely, it seems that Ren is equally distressed by Hux’s reactions and he spends most of the day out of his quarters.

 

By the fourth day Hux is a complete wreck. He’s tired and dizzy from too little sleep and food, not an unfamiliar experience when he’s been working too hard but this is an entirely different situation. Ren seems to hover over him more as well, Hux wonders if he’s enjoying watching him deteriorate. Something is going to break soon, he can feel it coming like a storm and he knows that he’s the one who’s going to shatter when it hits. When Ren finally leaves him alone for the day it’s such a welcome relief that he almost sobs and he spends several tense moments just huddled on the floor before confirming that Ren is truly gone.

Hux closes his eyes and tries to breathe, to restore some of his equilibrium while he can. It does help to relax him and he calms enough to uncurl from his defensive ball, leaning against a wall for support. Breathing in the rancid odour of his own clothes makes him realise that he’s been living in them for four days straight and while he doesn’t really want to encourage Ren’s attentions, he’s always felt better after taking a shower. Sneaking a quick glance at the door decides him, Ren should be gone for long enough to allow Hux to be dressed again before he gets back.

 

He’s not that fortunate. Hux probably should have seen that coming, he’s never been superstitious but any luck he may once have possessed has been non-existent for weeks.

It’s too late to do anything now, he’s frozen in the door to the refresher, watching Ren warily. Ren stares at him with hunger in his eyes, licking his lips unconsciously, and Hux only has a moment in which to decide what to do. He doesn’t say anything, as much as he wants to make a snide comment his tongue is dry and awkward in his mouth. His hand trembles only slightly as he slides his thumb under the edge of the towel around his hips and tugs it free to fall in a heap at his feet. Despite the coolness of the air his face and shoulders are hot, shame colouring his pale skin and Hux is painfully aware of what he must look like, exposed and vulnerable. It’s enough to make his fingers twitch across his thigh in an effort to cover himself but he digs his nails into his palm instead, trying to conceal anything would defeat the point.

Ren is still staring at him with a combination of lust and something Hux can’t identify, doesn’t want to, really, and he drops his gaze rather than have to meet Ren’s eyes any longer. A cowardly move but he’s so exhausted and worn down that he doesn’t care anymore, he just wants this to be over.

‘Fuck me.’ Hux grinds the words out through gritted teeth, his voice so harsh he barely recognises it as his own.

Ren’s footsteps are loud in the silence after his words and as his boots appear on the edge of Hux’s downcast vision he hunches his shoulders, feeling small and weak. He closes his eyes to prevent any tears from falling, if Ren wants to see him cry Hux is going to make him work for it. There’s the distinctive rustle of clothing as Ren undresses and a constant stream of noise from Ren’s mouth but Hux simply lets it wash over him without comprehension, lost in his own thoughts. He wonders if Ren will keep up the charade of being gentle or if he’ll drop it in favour of making Hux bleed. He’s not sure which possibility frightens him more.

A bare hand grazes his shoulder and Hux bites his lip, both as a distraction and to stifle the tiny noise that rises in his throat. He waits to be shoved against a wall or onto the floor but instead of the expected violence something soft and heavy drapes around his shoulders and Hux’s eyes fly open, his head jerking up despite his determination not to react. The sight before him is incomprehensible, Ren is still dressed, minus his gloves, and his hands are holding the edges of Hux’s previously discarded towel closed. One of Hux’s own hands comes up to touch Ren’s, clasping both it and the towel as he stares in complete confusion, his mind unable to analyse Ren’s non-sensical actions.

Ren’s mouth is still moving and he eventually registers that his name is being said repeatedly. ‘Hux? Can you hear me?’

He nods, mutely, too busy trying to decipher Ren’s intentions to respond properly.

‘I’m not going to hurt you.’ Hux can’t tell if it’s a lie or the truth. ‘I’m not going to rape you.’

‘I don’t believe you.’ Hux blurts out, knowing he shouldn’t have said it as he senses Ren’s anger and he flinches, expecting retaliation.

Ren doesn’t hurt him but doesn’t release him either. ‘Hux…’

‘I’m a whore.’ He says the word like it’s his rank, in the same tone he used to say general.

‘No, you’re not, you’re…’ Ren trails off and shakes his head indecisively, as if he can’t think of anything nice to say about Hux. ‘Shit, I’ve made this worse, haven’t I? You think that the only reason I’ve asked you to stay is so I can have sex with you.’

‘Isn’t it? That’s all anyone wants me for.’ The only thing he’s good for anymore. He’s not even sure why he’s bothering to continue to talk to Ren but now that he’s started he can’t stop, as if something inside him is compelling him to speak.

Ren looks stricken. ‘No. No, you are worth so much more.’

Hux laughs at that, a pathetic sound that’s more like a whimper than any true sign of amusement.

‘I’m not good at this.’ Ren gestures between the two of them. ‘Can I just show you?’ Ren’s eyes seem overly warm and kind, his fingers interlacing with Hux’s to help him keep his grip on the towel and Hux just nods, he can’t stop Ren anyway.

Ren leans in and presses their foreheads together, there’s a moment of disorientation and then Hux can feel all of Ren’s emotions. It’s a swirling mass of colour\sound\image that somehow imparts certain things to Hux, here awe\respect\admiration, there caring protectiveness. Hux shies away from the knot of longing desire, not ready to acknowledge that part of Ren. Beneath everything there’s a deep welcoming darkness like a black hole, Ren feels so passionately, so completely, that it’s overwhelming, and it’s all focussed on Hux. He pulls back from Ren’s mind before it consumes him as he realises that Ren has been in love with him for a very long time.

When he becomes aware of his own body again he’s shaking, Ren’s arms around his waist the only thing holding him up. His head is resting on a broad shoulder and his fingers have tangled so tightly in Ren’s robe that he can’t feel them anymore, or convince himself to let go.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Hux murmurs against Ren’s neck.

‘I didn’t know how. And I thought you’d reject me.’ I’m still afraid you’ll reject me, the words are no less obvious for not being spoken.

‘No. Not if I’d known…’ No one has ever loved him this much and his breathing stutters to even think of losing that feeling now that he knows it exists.

‘You don’t love me back though.’ Ren doesn’t let him go but his statement sounds so confident that it makes Hux angry.

His retort is sharp and clipped even though he’s still hanging limply off Ren. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about anything anymore. These past few weeks have been like a nightmare I can’t wake up from.’

‘I-’

‘Shut up, Ren. Just listen to me.’ He pauses anyway, to collect his scattered thoughts, his fingers impossibly digging even tighter into Ren’s robe. If he doesn’t say what he needs to now he’s afraid he’ll lose Ren forever and the pain he feels at that possibility is worse than anything he’s ever felt. ‘You believed me when I was convinced that no one would. The only times I ever felt safe was when I was with you. I actually started to trust you, you bastard, and then you practically forced me into your bed.’

Ren interrupts him to protest. ‘That wasn’t my intention-’

‘Yes, well, you’re crap at explanations. What was I supposed to think? After everything that’s been done to me…’ Hux shivers and presses closer to Ren, he doesn’t want to dwell on his memories right now. ‘I think I might be in love with you Ren, but I need time to sort things out. I need you to be patient.’

‘Always, anything, for you.’

Hux raises his head enough to look Ren in the eyes, they’re as deep and dark as his emotions are, and Hux knows he’s telling the truth. He impulsively kisses Ren, sighing into his mouth as careful fingers comb through his damp hair and the hand on his back smooths along his spine. There’s an echo of Ren’s desire in his mind, as if a piece of him stayed in Hux when he offered to share himself and Hux treasures it, hoping it lasts.

Ren breaks the kiss off as Hux starts to feel lightheaded from the strain of dealing with everything that’s just happened. ‘You should get some rest, I know you haven’t been sleeping well.’

‘Whose fault is that?’ Hux laughs almost silently, dropping his head back to Ren’s shoulder.

‘Get dressed, get some sleep, and I’ll bring you something to eat.’ It’s halfway between an order and a plea.

‘Get dressed?’ Hux asks before he abruptly remembers that he’s wearing only a towel that barely covers his thighs. He doesn’t feel as naked with Ren’s bulk pressed against him, strange how quickly that became reassuring instead of threatening. ‘I can’t let go of you.’ His fingers are numb, convulsing painfully as he tries to pry them off Ren’s robe.

‘I’m not going anywhere, I promise.’ Ren whispers into his hair.

Hux huffs in irritation, secretly pleased at the words. ‘No, I mean I physically can’t, my fingers are cramped.’

‘Oh.’ Ren looks down and purses his lips, then takes his hand out of Hux’s hair to stroke the fingers clenched in his robe. The movement is soothing, his grip relaxing as Ren’s fingers run over his own to massage the tension out of his muscles and Hux moans softly as the pain eases.

‘Better?’ Ren asks smugly.

Hux grunts in reply, too tired to find a snappy comeback.

‘Do you want me to carry you to bed?’ Ren’s tone is teasing. Then he adds, more seriously. ‘You should probably dress yourself though.’

That’s a good idea and Hux pushes himself off Ren, staggering when he loses the support, letting Ren catch him around the waist again before he falls. They make it into the bedroom but Hux is too exhausted to figure out the complications of clothing and collapses onto the bed in a heap of limbs and towel.

He jolts awake again though as Ren tries to pull away from him. ‘Don’t leave me.’ His voice is weak but the death grip he has on Ren is unbreakable.

‘I won’t.’ Ren climbs back onto the bed, nuzzling his hair as he tugs Hux up against his chest and Hux is asleep as soon as he feels the comforting weight of an arm around him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am drowning so hard in the fluff I may require a life raft for myself and my plot soon. Oh well.

Hux has never really thought about what it would feel like to sleep next to someone, none of his past sexual partners ever stayed for long enough after. He hadn’t minded, the goal of those encounters had been physical release, nothing more, and Hux couldn’t miss something he’d never experienced.

It’s different with Ren, of course, because with Ren it seems that everything is different and unpredictable. Putting the blame solely on Ren isn’t fair though, Hux isn’t the same person he was only a few scant weeks ago, that man wouldn’t have been so careless as to let Ren get this close. Or maybe he would have, Hux muses, placing his own hand over Ren’s where it rests against his chest, as if Ren needs to feel his heart beating while they sleep.

Hux imagines briefly that circumstances were different, that Ren had admitted his feelings while they were still equals, when he had something more than just himself to offer Ren in return. The vision is enticing, the two of them as allies and lovers, conquering the galaxy together and Hux sighs heavily as he lets reality crash back onto him, flights of fancy aren’t something he can afford to indulge in.

Ren is reassuringly real though, his body a huge bulk that’s molded along Hux’s back, steady breath warm against his hair, it’s unusual but definitely not unpleasant. There’s a faint impression of him in Hux’s mind too, foggy now with sleep but it’s unmistakably Ren and not simply his own thoughts. Something to ask him about, later.

Hux squirms around until he can see Ren’s face, it’s peaceful and young in sleep and he can’t resist reaching up to trace the wide lips, snatching his hand back as Ren’s eyes open.

‘Hi.’ Ren says, grinning inanely, as if it’s the most wonderful thing in the galaxy to wake up next to Hux.

He almost offers a neutral good morning, but he changes his mind and leans in to kiss Ren instead. There’s no point in pretending to be cold and aloof when Ren knows he isn’t and Hux wants this too badly to deny himself when he has so little left. It’s too desperate and rough even as he tries to slow down, feeling as if Ren will vanish if he doesn’t devour him, and then Ren’s hand is running through his hair and along his back to calm him, changing the kiss to sweet and gentle. He licks into Hux’s mouth in teasing swipes that draw little stifled moans out of him and he digs his fingers into Ren’s shoulders for support, pressing himself against his chest.

Ren moves abruptly, rolling onto his back and pulling Hux with him and Hux makes a grab for his towel as it shifts, a small whisper of fear reminding him that Ren is clothed and he’s naked.

‘It’s okay.’ Ren’s hands skim lightly over his sides, helping him adjust the towel around his waist again, but Hux flinches at the feeling of hands on his hips. There’s anger in Ren’s eyes when he looks up but he doesn’t speak, just strokes Hux’s back and hair until he relaxes again, resting his head on Ren’s muscular chest. He’s not sure how Ren managed to so quickly find the perfect way to soothe him when he panics but he’s not complaining, not when Ren’s warm hand is rubbing up his back, massaging the tension away. 

The peacefulness disappears as he realises that he could have had this every night since that first time Ren had come to his quarters and he’s suddenly furious, propping himself up on his elbows to glare into Ren’s eyes. ‘Four days.’ He hisses. ‘I spent four days falling apart, waiting for you to hurt me, when you could have simply talked to me, told me what the hell was going on.’

‘I didn’t know how. I thought you’d understand eventually but you just got more upset.’ Ren looks miserable and it only pisses Hux off more.

‘Upset? I was fucking terrified of you.’ Hux slams a balled up fist on Ren’s shoulder, not hard enough to truly hurt him but enough to get his point across and Ren winces at the impact. The action drains his anger and he drops his head to stare at the black robes under him. ‘I’ve been raped so many times… I was scared, Ren. You need to learn to talk to me.’ His voice wavers but doesn’t break, shoulders hunching protectively.

Sorrow and shame creep into his mind, a voiceless apology from Ren combined with a spoken one. ‘I’m sorry, Hux.’ Ren’s fingers touch Hux’s chin, tilting his head back up, brushing a strand of red out of his eyes to continue stroking the rest of his hair, pressing apologetic kisses to his face and Hux melts against him.

‘I’m still angry at you.’ He informs Ren from where his face is pressed into his chest, the way he’s clinging to Ren making a lie of the words.

Ren hums softly, in agreement or disagreement, Hux isn’t sure, as his fingers move across Hux’s shoulders again, tracing what feels like idle patterns on his skin. They’re not though, Hux still has hand-shaped bruises there from being held down, and he knows that Ren is staring at them. He shifts uncomfortably, not wanting Ren to see the marks, to think about how he got them.

‘I didn’t know you have freckles.’

It’s not remotely the observation he was expecting. ‘Well, now you do.’ Hux mutters, in no mood to be mollified by something so ridiculous as Ren noticing he has freckles.

‘They’re pretty.’ Ren stammers. ‘You’re pretty.’

Hux recoils instinctively at the word, it’s been used too many times to hurt and humiliate him but when he looks up his angry retort deserts him at the sight of Ren. His face is bright red and he’s chewing his lip nervously, as if he’s a cadet desperately trying to flatter his first crush, and maybe this is his first time at flirting, if that’s the best he can do.

‘Don’t call me that.’ Hux mumbles, to cover his embarrassment at the thought that Ren’s pathetic overtures might actually be working on him.

‘Oh, right.’ Ren seems horrified, as if remembering why Hux hates that word, but he doesn’t know, he can’t possibly know… Hux is distracted when Ren runs a hand along his arm to interlace their fingers. ‘You’re so… delicate.’

‘Fuck you.’ Hux snaps bitterly, he’s not delicate, he’s not breakable. He tries to pull his hand away but Ren holds it fast, frowning.

‘I didn’t mean it like that. I’m trying to compliment you.’

Hux attempts to keep some patience even as a sneer twists his lips. ‘Don’t bother. I’m not some vain holonovel maiden who needs to be told how attractive he is.’

‘I know that.’ Ren’s still frowning, lost in thought. ‘But you are. Attractive, I mean. You’re beautiful.’

That word stings an even older wound and Hux laughs cruelly. ‘Skinny freckled gingers are not beautiful, Ren.’

‘You are.’ Ren says it so simply and earnestly that Hux’s laughter cuts off in a choked noise. He gapes at Ren, unable to think of anything except how Ren had said those words, the way Ren is still looking at him in complete and utter adoration. ‘You’re beautiful.’ He says again, trailing his fingers back and forth over Hux’s shoulders in a repetitive pattern that lulls him into a drowsy sleep.

 

When Hux wakes up he’s still resting on top of Ren, and to his surprise, he’s also starving, now that he’s no longer constantly on edge his appetite is apparently returning. Ren is awake, smiling at him as he raises his head. ‘You promised me food.’ Hux reminds him.

‘I did.’ Ren nods in confirmation, still stroking Hux’s hair idly.

‘Well?’ He demands, grabbing at the offending hand but he doesn’t remove it, just clasps Ren’s wrist lightly.

‘I’m going.’

‘I’ll get dressed.’ Hux isn’t going to continue to wander around in nothing but a towel, especially not when Ren levers them both out of bed and he realises how cold it is without Ren’s incredible body heat.

‘Are you alright?’ Ren turns back as he catches Hux shivering.

‘I’m just cold, I’m fine.’ Hux doesn’t snap it out too harshly, he knows Ren is only trying to help. ‘Go.’ He waves the hand that’s not holding up the towel in prim dismissal. Ren grins at him as he issues the order and actually obeys for once.

Now that he’s had some decent sleep and he’s no longer in mortal terror he can think more clearly, he had never considered that this scenario would be one he found himself in. Hux starts to dress but as he picks up his shirt he pauses, staring at it without really seeing. It’s all well and good, more than good if he’s completely honest, that Ren is desperately in love with him but it doesn’t really help him in any practical sense. The entire First Order is convinced that he’s a traitorous whore and despite the fact that he may still be a general from a strictly technical standpoint he doesn’t truly have any status. If he stays on the Finalizer he’s going to be stuck in Ren’s quarters, possibly for the rest of his life. The oppressive feeling of being caged closes in on him and he tries to think of an alternative. He can’t stay in First Order space and defecting to the Resistance or the Republic is absolutely out of the equation. The only route left to him is simply to leave for neutral territory, hole up somewhere he’ll be safe, maybe a backwater where the HoloNet reception is poor and there’s a chance they won’t know who he is. Hux falters when he thinks of Ren, wonders if he would forsake everything if it meant they could be together. He doesn’t have an answer to that question and it makes something deep inside him ache that he’s not sure, but if it comes down to a choice between his sanity and Ren…

He’s too lost in his own mind to register someone behind him until a heavy hand clamps down on his shoulder. His thoughts flee as despair rises in their place, a choking black cloud that whispers to him to yield, to let himself be pushed down and used like the whore he is… And then a hot rage burns away everything except the resolve that he’s not going to be raped, never again, and he’s already jabbing an elbow back into his attacker’s stomach. There’s a satisfying grunt from behind him as it connects but Hux doesn’t waste time enjoying it, whirling around quickly to drive a knee up between the man’s legs. The blow is barely deflected by his assailant and Hux snarls, he wants to castrate the bastard so he can’t hurt anyone that way.

Distress that’s not his own flickers through his mind but he refuses to be distracted. A hand flashes up to catch Hux’s wrist as he throws a punch, his left fist coming across in a second fast strike. That wrist is also grabbed before the blow can land and Hux twists with the movement, lunging forwards to sink his teeth into a soft throat. He’s thrown roughly backwards before he succeeds, bouncing as he collides with something soft. His feet scrabble for purchase against the floor as he’s pinned down, a man looming over him, and he screams in frustrated anger. He’s not going to be raped, it’s a desperate chant in his mind, he’s not, he’s not, he’s not.

‘Hux! Hux! It’s me! It’s just me.’ The pale face staring down at him with wide eyes and messy dark hair is familiar and he stops struggling to slump on the bed as the Force holding him down is released.

‘Ren.’ He mumbles, rolling onto his side, there are finger marks already turning to bruises on his wrists and Hux rubs at them absently, then glares at Ren. ‘Don’t fucking sneak up on me like that, I thought… I…’ Hux shudders, memories of being held down and hands on him vivid images in his mind.

‘I’m sorry.’ Ren’s eyes are still wide and panicked. ‘I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry.’

Ren reaches out to him and Hux flinches away, his hands curling into fists again, his fear too raw to allow him to be comforted. ‘Don’t touch me.’

Ren stares at him for a moment longer in horror then leaves.

Hux drops his head to the sheets, panting, trying to slow his racing heart. He’s safe here, he was never in any danger, he’s not going to be raped again. Ren’s anguished worry is a buzz in the back of his mind and he prods at it gently, trying to convey that he’s alright. There’s an apology in Ren’s mind too and a bright spark of fierce devotion that doesn’t waver, even at what’s happened. It helps to calm him and he manages to finish dressing and go out into the other room.

Ren is sitting on the couch, elbows on knees, his face buried in his hands.

‘You’d better not be crying.’ Hux grumbles at him as he sits down. Ren gives him a startled look and then freezes as Hux rests against his shoulder. ‘You can touch me now.’ He sighs. ‘Just don’t do it unexpectedly, I need to know it’s you.’

Ren slides a cautious arm around him, touching his bruised wrists delicately. ‘I really am sorry, Hux.’

He doesn’t reply right away, watches Ren’s fingers trace the marks he made. Hux doesn’t feel any aversion to Ren’s touch, it was an accident and as much his fault for overreacting as Ren’s for startling him so badly. ‘It’s alright, I know you didn’t do it on purpose. They’re only bruises, they’ll heal.’

‘I don’t just mean the bruises. I felt how scared you were.’ Ren sounds sad but there’s an undercurrent of anger.

‘I can’t talk about it.’ Hux’s fingers clench unconsciously as he struggles to banish the memories. Ren smooths his own hands over Hux’s to stop him before his nails draw blood.

‘Okay.’ Ren presses tentative kisses into his hair, holding onto Hux tighter as he sighs and leans into the contact. They sit in silence for a moment, Hux breathing in Ren’s scent, watching Ren’s fingers wind around his own.

‘Can you eat something?’ Ren finally asks, making a vague gesture at the tray sitting on the table in front of them.

The lid floats off and Hux realises it wasn’t an idle motion. ‘So, unless you have some skills I’m unaware of, is it safe to assume the cooks are still alive?’ It’s not a completely rhetorical question, he’s been cooped up in Ren’s quarters for long enough that the entire crew could be dead without his knowledge. He leans forwards to snag a plate and move it to his lap, irrationally missing Ren’s presence for the brief moment it takes to do so.

‘Yes. They didn’t hurt you, so I let them live.’ The matter-of-fact way Ren says it is chilling but the words themselves make Hux feel warm and loved. Thankfully Ren distracts him by speaking again. ‘I can cook though.’

‘It doesn’t count if it’s inedible.’ Hux picks up a bun, smearing some fruit spread on it, his favourite flavour, he notes. It’s awkward to do so while he’s half-leaning on Ren but he’d rather deal with inexpertly covered bread than move away.

Ren sounds sulky when he replies. ‘I’m good at cooking. I’ll make you something and you’ll see.’

‘I’d… like that, Ren.’ It’s true even though he’s also wondering if he’s just agreed to being poisoned. He’s surprised at how much he wants to see what Ren is capable of, at the same time curious what else Ren might be hiding. Hux glances wistfully at the cup still sitting on the tray. ‘I suppose that’s cold by now.’

Ren grabs it, holding it in one hand for a moment. ‘Here.’ He shoves the freshly steaming mug at Hux with a certain smugness.

Hux sips at it cautiously, almost expecting it to taste different after being Force-warmed but it doesn’t and he sighs in pleasure. He eats as much as he can before pulling away from Ren’s shoulder to rest on the arm of the couch instead, they need to talk and from this position he can favour Ren with the full weight of his glare. Ren fidgets as if in anticipation of his demands.

‘Tell me about your so-called plan.’

‘I can’t.’ Ren says stubbornly. ‘You need plausible deniability. We’ve got it under control.’

‘We?’ Hux raises an eyebrow.

Ren looks guilty, as if he’s revealed something he shouldn’t have, then grudgingly says. ‘Phasma’s been helping me.’

That surprises him, he knows they’re sparring partners but that doesn’t necessarily translate to friend willing to kill someone and hide the body with you. Then Hux realises why she must be working with Ren, feeling as though he’s been betrayed. ‘You told her. About what really happened to me.’

‘Yes.’ Ren looks even guiltier if that’s possible, before adding hurriedly. ‘She suspected though, that the holos were faked somehow, that you weren’t entirely willing. And there are lots of others who think that too.’

Hux shakes his head in denial, he can’t believe that after what they’ve said to him, done to him.

Ren is insistent though. ‘It’s true, Hux. Most of the crew is convinced that the holos are some kind of Resistance trick to disgrace you.’

Which is exactly what the damn things are, but what Ren’s said only serves to make him bitter. ‘They thought it was a trick. Of course. That’s why they called me a whore and raped me.’

Ren’s eyes darken with his own anger. ‘That was only a few, and I’ve killed all of them. Even the ones who only talked about it.’ He hesitates, watching Hux carefully before continuing. ‘There is one who’s still alive though.’

‘Torrin.’ Her name comes out of his mouth in a feral growl.

Ren nods. ‘We couldn’t get rid of her until you were ready to assume command again.’

‘What?’ It throws off his anger, he hadn’t realised that this was what Ren’s plan was leading up to. ‘Ren-’

‘If she’s dead you’ll be the highest ranked officer on board.’ Ren smiles at him as if this is the solution to all their problems.

Hux hisses in exasperation. ‘Ren, that’s not how it works. And besides which, the fleet officers won’t take orders from me anymore.’

‘Yes, they will. Haven’t you been listening? They know it wasn’t your fault. You just need to confirm what they think with one of your speeches.’ Ren waves a hand airily, as if writing a speech is that easy. ‘Put the blame where it belongs, on the Resistance.’

Hux can’t quite comprehend Ren’s logic, or rather the evident lack of it. ‘You want me to write a speech about being raped? And you think this will make people want to follow me?’

Ren gives him an approving look as if he’s managed to convince Hux of the brilliance of his plan. ‘Yes. You’ll talk about how underhanded the Resistance is, the despicable lengths they’ll go to in order to achieve victory. The usual things you talk about. You’re good at writing speeches.’

Hux snorts in laughter at Ren’s compact version of one of his speeches, feeling as though he’s been given a bizarre kind of compliment. He’s already formulating the words in his head though, put the focus on the First Order instead of himself, the Resistance tried to disgrace them by using him. Hux focusses back on Ren, he’s not done with his questions yet. ‘Phasma approved this?’ He’s always thought of her as a practical, intelligent woman, if she thinks this will work then he has more faith in it.

‘Yes.’ Ren gives him an annoyed look as if reading his doubting thoughts.

Hux can’t quite believe he’s agreeing to this but it’s not like he has a wealth of options to choose from and if this goes badly he can always go with the back-up plan of fleeing to a neutral planet. ‘Alright, fine. When are you going after Torrin?’

‘Soon, now that you’re better.’

Hux grimaces, restraining himself from saying anything, wondering if Ren told Phasma why he was unwell but he has a far more pressing matter to talk to Ren about. ‘I want to kill her myself.’ He says softly, dangerously.

Ren looks alarmed. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

‘I don’t care, Ren.’ Hux snarls at him, locking their gazes. ‘You’ve had the satisfaction of killing the others but I’m the one they hurt. She raped me and I want my own revenge.’

Ren stares at him, his face caught between worry and awe. ‘Okay. We’re planning to make it look like an assassination. Frame the Resistance for it, since it’ll only strengthen our story by making it appear as though they’re trying to get rid of First Order generals.’

Hux nods, no matter what happens afterwards at least he’ll know she’s dead, and by his hand.

‘We still need to sort out some of the details. I was going to meet with Phasma today?’ Ren makes it a question, as if Hux might want to delay this any further.

‘Do what you need to. I’ll be fine here.’ It’s not strictly true, he’ll have to make an effort not to cut his hands to shreds from anxiety while Ren is gone, but there must be something he can do to pass the time. Write his sure to be famous speech perhaps. A condescending smile tugs at his lips and Ren gives him another worried look as if guessing what he’s thinking but he leaves without complaint, a gentle caress in Hux’s mind his only parting gesture.


	7. Chapter 7

After Ren leaves Hux spends several minutes simply pacing through Ren’s quarters. It only serves to remind him how small they are but it distracts him enough to prevent him from damaging his hands. Writing that speech would be a better distraction, a piece of normality in the midst of all this but it would be a waste of time since he has no intention of actually giving it. He had gotten temporarily caught up in Ren’s excitement but thinking about his plan now makes it seem ridiculous. Despite Ren’s assurance of the likely outcome after Torrin’s death, Hux doesn’t truly believe it, no matter how persuasive his words are no one is going to want him back in command. Torrin will die and he’ll leave, with or without Ren. Hux doesn’t want to think about that part though, he really does need something else to divert his attention. He’s morbidly curious about just how many of the crew are dead and it’s as good a distraction as any.

Even though he’d searched through Ren’s quarters a few days ago, hunting for a datapad is rather more exciting than he would have expected, Ren is hardly the most organised person. Once he finds one he throws himself back on the couch, tapping his fingers against it before gathering the will to turn it on. He’s surprised when his clearance codes still work, allowing him access to the entire First Order database, and he brings up personnel records, filtering them to recent deaths. There aren’t actually all that many, as Ren had said, their deaths accidental or easily solved with no further investigation, either Ren’s covered his tracks well or Phasma’s done it for him.

Hux looks at the attached pictures carefully, recognising some but not others as his attackers. He wonders how Ren had managed to find them when he himself hadn’t seen their faces but then he sighs and shakes his head, knowing Ren used the Force. That brings a surge of panic with it, in order for Ren to have identified his attackers by reading their minds, he must have seen what they did to Hux. He grips the datapad tighter, staring blankly at the face of one he does remember, trying to keep the memories from overwhelming him. Thankfully, his practical nature reasserts itself and points out that some of these deaths were days ago, Ren saw their thoughts and still came back to Hux and treated him kindly.

He switches off the datapad and closes his eyes, recalling the things Ren’s said to him, the love and devotion that he can still feel in his mind. There’s a faint worry there too and he sends a wave of reassurance, getting one of adoration in return. It fortifies him enough that he can open his eyes and turn the datapad back on, glaring at the image of his rapist. ‘I win.’ He says to the screen with a quiet conviction, Ren’s given him this victory but that doesn’t diminish it.

Hux shakes his head sharply to clear his thoughts and continues looking through the records. Interestingly, none of the recent deaths are stormtroopers, Ren had said that Phasma believed that the holos were faked somehow, was it possible that she had ordered her troops to leave him alone? Hux searches for reports of reconditioning, once again narrowing the parameters to the last few weeks, finding nothing unusual. What isn’t an average is the number of violent incidents involving stormtroopers, none severe enough to warrant reconditioning but still enough to be noted.

Hux picks one at random, pulling it up on the screen. The report is short and concise, a group of five stormtroopers attacked four officers in a corridor and beat them badly, no reason is given for their actions and the troopers received only a reprimand. It seems almost inconsequential until Hux reads the deck and corridor number again, a chill creeping across his skin. He recognises that number, it’s one of the routes between his quarters and the bridge and he had taken to using it after being assaulted on a more direct route, reasoning that even though it’s a longer walk there are fewer convenient rooms they could drag him into. The date on this incident report is after he started using that path and a growing suspicion makes him check the records of the officers involved. All four of them are now dead.

Surely it’s no more than a strange coincidence though and Hux flips quickly through some other reports, seeking confirmation. There are several more incidents of assault, both by stormtroopers and officers, against various other officers, a quick cross-check serves to show that the victims were all eventually found dead. The conclusion is obvious and a complete shock, not only does his entire crew not think of him as a treacherous whore but some of them had actually gone so far as to try to protect him from those who did. A cold logic says that they should have shown more loyalty to the First Order and not to him personally, he’s only one man in the grand scheme of things, but it’s overridden by something unfamiliar choking him, making his heart race, and it takes him a moment before he realises it’s hope. He hasn’t felt it for so long that it almost physically hurts to suddenly have it again, and he’s gripped by the wild notion that maybe Ren’s plan isn’t so far-fetched, that maybe he has an actual chance to regain everything that’s been taken from him. The First Order is more than a single ship of course but it’s a far better start than he ever anticipated having.

The thought that this is all going to work makes him dizzy and he laughs slightly hysterically, clapping a hand over his mouth to stifle the noise even though he’s alone. There’s a worried nudge from Ren and Hux sends back his elation at what he’s learned, wishing they could share words so he could say it. Ren seems surprised at first but accepts the feelings and withdraws again after what feels like a gentle kiss. Finding a new enthusiasm for writing his speech, Hux sets to work, only looking up when Ren comes back, realising it’s been hours since he started.

‘Lunch?’ Ren asks as he places it on the table in front of the couch, sidling around to try to peer at Hux’s datapad.

He switches it off with a huff of annoyance, laying it flat on his stomach. ‘It’s only a rough draft.’

Ren smiles at him knowingly. ‘I’ve brought you a gift. Phasma rescued them when your quarters were cleaned out. We knew you’d need them again.’ He drops a bag on top of Hux which proves to contain one of his uniforms and he runs his fingers over it, savouring the feel of the greatcoat before returning his attention to Ren.

The urge to snap at Ren once again about not sharing his plans is pointless and he’s not going to have his good mood ruined, so he settles for a simple. ‘Thank you.’ Hux slides his legs off the couch so Ren can sit, moving closer as he settles himself and the connection between them flares brighter at the physical contact.

They eat in silence for a few minutes before Hux broaches the question. ‘Ren? What is this thing we have?’ Hux taps the side of both their heads, joining them with his free hand.

Ren seems slightly ashamed, hesitating as he answers. ‘I think it’s a kind of Force bond. I let you see too deeply into my mind and we sort of… stuck in each other.’

‘That’s a lovely image.’ Hux says sarcastically, but he’s worried at the description too. ‘Did it damage either of us?’

‘Oh, no.’ Ren shakes his head. ‘We’re fine. We’ll just, always be part of each other. Forever.’

‘Forever.’ Hux repeats thoughtfully, brushing his fingers over Ren’s. He’s never seriously considered any kind of long-term relationship, his career and the First Order always took priority, but he’s both intrigued and terrified by the idea of being permanently joined with Ren.

‘I can find out how to break it.’ Ren says, voice low and disappointed. ‘If you don’t want-’

Hux shuts him up by claiming his mouth in a hard kiss, tangling a hand in Ren’s hair.

‘Oh.’ Ren sounds breathless as Hux nips at his lower lip and pulls away. He rearranges himself against Ren and they continue to eat without speaking, their bond conveying their contentment and affection.

 

Hux works diligently on his speech until Ren comes back with another meal. They eat it in a companionable quiet in the same position they always sit in, Hux leaning on Ren’s shoulder, Ren with one arm around his waist.

‘I’ll explain the plan in the morning. We should be ready to go tomorrow as long as Phasma gets her part sorted.’ Ren nuzzles into his hair as he speaks.

Hux murmurs a quiet assent, the excitement of the morning is catching up to him and he’s tired. He needs to ask Ren something important first though, despite how optimistic he is about their plan. ‘If I decide to leave after Torrin’s dead, what will you do?’ It’s not the right phrasing, he knows that as soon as he says it, even before he feels the tension in Ren’s body. He was angry at Ren for not communicating well and he’s just done the same thing, not saying what he means.

‘I don’t know.’ There’s an uncharacteristic ice in Ren’s tone and he shifts away from Hux slightly, his mind closing at the same time.

Hux clarifies quickly, he’s not going to lose Ren over something as foolish as this. ‘If I asked you to? Would you abandon everything just to be with me?’

‘Yes.’ No hesitation in Ren’s answer now and he relaxes back against Hux. ‘If that’s what you choose to do. I don’t want to be apart from you.’

Hux merely sighs and slumps onto him, relieved that at the very least he’ll always have Ren.

 

Hux groans when he regains consciousness, his head pounding. He pries his eyes open to blink blearily at the face above him until it clears into Torrin’s hateful smirk. ‘Good, you’re awake.’

He hisses, tries to move only to be stopped by restraints. He’s naked, chained to a table by his wrists and ankles, his knees slightly bent and spread. Giving her access to whatever parts of him she wants, he realises.

‘As you can see, your little plan failed. I’m still alive.’ She informs him gleefully.

‘Where’s Ren?’ Hux snarls, to cover his fear.

Torrin shakes her head and makes a tsking noise. ‘Dead.’ He flinches, the word striking him like a physical blow, knowing she’s caught the reaction as her smile widens. She’s lying, she has to be, Ren couldn’t have been brought down by someone like her. ‘You don’t believe me? Well, he’s dead or he’s abandoned you, which story do you like better?’

Hux reaches out for Ren in his mind and finds nothing, he’s alone in his mind, their bond severed as if it had never existed. His breathing catches in panic as she leans down to whisper conspiratorially in his ear. ‘Either way, he’s not coming to save you.’ Torrin runs her nails possessively over his chest, down to his hip, digging them in enough to draw blood. She glances over her shoulder, there are other people in the room, people who should be dead. ‘They want a piece of you too. Who am I to deny them?’

‘They’re dead.’ He whispers in denial, stunned by his inability to feel Ren.

She shrugs. ‘Maybe your boyfriend lied about that too.’ Hux flinches away from the hands stroking up his legs, the chains catching and keeping him from moving far enough. There are more hands on his shoulders, holding him down and Torrin is still smiling at him. ‘Pretty whore.’ She coos nastily.

Ren! He screams the name uselessly in his head. Ren, please, help me!

Someone’s climbing between his spread legs, gripping his thighs to move him into position.

Ren! It’s a sobbing wail now, a last desperate cry.

And then, impossibly, there’s the bright red flare of a lightsaber, the crackle as it ignites and Ren’s presence reappears in his mind. Hux watches in sheer relief as Ren tears through his attackers with deadly strikes, hacking off limbs and heads. Screams echo in the air and then it’s over and Ren is cutting through his chains to pull him into an embrace. ‘You’re okay now. I promise. Wake up, Hux.’

There’s a dizzying shift in perception and suddenly Hux is lying in a bed. He’s still clinging to Ren though, and he gasps at the disorientation. ‘It was a nightmare.’ Ren says, smoothing a hand through his hair. ‘Just a nightmare, you’re safe.’

He hasn’t had a nightmare since he started sleeping with Ren, has forgotten how disturbing and violent they can be. ‘She said you were dead, or gone.’ He can’t remember which, it doesn’t matter.

‘I’m not. I’m here.’ Ren’s hand runs down his back comfortingly but Hux can’t steady his breathing, can’t shake the feeling that he’s had a premonition of what’s going to happen, even if such a thing is impossible. He can’t stop touching Ren, the clothing between them unbearable, as if he’s not real if Hux can’t feel his skin pressed against his own. Ren is wearing something looser than his usual robes and Hux’s searching fingers find the edge, sliding up to touch bare skin. He hisses, jerking a little at the contact and a wave of mental arousal follows even as Hux feels Ren’s physical reaction against his thigh. Strangely, it calms Hux, makes him realise that he truly desires Ren and he’s not simply reacting to the panic of his nightmare.

‘I’m sorry.’ Ren tries to push him away as embarrassment heats his face.

‘Don’t be.’ Hux doesn’t let go, resisting Ren’s attempts to withdraw.

‘No.’ Ren is suddenly angry, his features twisting unpleasantly. ‘I’m not like them, the ones who hurt you. You only think you want me because you’re upset and confused and I’m not going to take advantage of you.’

‘Take advantage of me?’ Bitterness laces the words as he pulls out of Ren’s embrace to sit up, shutting Ren out of his mind as well. ‘Why would you assume that? Because I was raped, so I can’t possibly understand what I really want and I need you to tell me?’

‘Hux…’ Ren seems wary, his anger dissipating even as Hux’s own builds.

‘How dare you. You don’t get to decide what I want, how I feel. No one does.’ He hisses, uncontrollable rage making his voice shake. ‘They tried. They said I deserved to be fucked for being a traitorous slut and the holos were proof of how badly I wanted it. That was their excuse for holding me down and raping me.’

Ren’s shock and horror is obvious on his expressive face.

Hux clenches his fists in a fury he can’t express properly, feels his nails slicing his palms. He should stop talking, Ren doesn’t need to know everything but he can’t keep the words from spilling out of him like blood. ‘They made me believe that I had no control over anything, no choice but to submit to them, that I enjoyed being raped because sometimes I couldn’t stop myself from coming. And they almost convinced me of those lies, until you reminded me that I’m worth more than what they did to me. But you don’t own me either and you have no right to tell me how I feel.’ He means every word of his rant, the anger cleansing some of the terrible hurt at what’s been done to him. Part of him worries that he’s said too much though, that Ren won’t want him now.

Ren nods slowly, his tone neutral. ‘I understand.’

‘Do you?’ Hux sighs, he feels raw and vulnerable but he’s come this far so he might as well admit the rest. ‘The only power anyone will ever have over me again is what I choose to give them. I’m giving myself to you, Ren. Willingly. Because it’s what I want.’

The look of utter rapture and amazement that spreads across Ren’s face is breathtaking, their mental connection containing more of the same. It’s so far from the rejection Hux was half-expecting that he can’t process all of the emotions that race between the two of them before Ren reaches out to him. ‘Call me Kylo.’ It’s not quite a demand but it’s not a request either.

‘Kylo.’ Hux almost hates the way he moans the name. Ren grins at him, kissing his forehead before trying to tug his shirt off, it’s made more awkward by Hux’s clumsy attempts to help but finally they manage to both end up shirtless. He’d felt how muscular Ren was through his clothing but it’s still a surprise to see and Hux traces the lines of Ren’s stomach as he shifts their positions to crouch over Hux.

‘Are you positive you’re alright with this?’ Ren asks softly, catching Hux’s eyes as he looks back up.

‘Yes, Ren.’ He snaps irritably, trying to pull Ren down on top of him.

‘Kylo.’ Ren insists, resisting Hux’s efforts but leaning in anyway, licking a wet strip across Hux’s collarbone.

‘Kylo.’ Hux gasps as Ren’s mouth moves lower, tongue winding teasingly around a nipple. A surge of need and desire from Ren makes him writhe, his cock hardening in response, hand gripping at Ren’s hair. It doesn’t stop him from sucking at Hux’s nipple until it almost hurts, tender and swollen under Ren’s mouth and his cock twitches when Ren raises his head, licking spit off his lips. ‘You’re beautiful, Hux.’

‘So you’ve said.’ Hux responds dryly but there’s no real annoyance in it anymore, on the contrary he’s starting to like hearing Ren say that. One of Ren’s hands is braced beside Hux’s head but the other is sliding across his ribs, stroking down to the edge of his trousers, stopping maddeningly short of where he wants friction. Hux forces Ren’s head back up to kiss him, trying to press up against him as much as possible but he can’t move enough with Ren’s hand on his belly, only succeeding in frustrating himself more as his cock rubs against his own clothing. He bites Ren’s lip in retaliation, hard enough to prove how serious he is, and drops his hand to stroke Ren’s cock through his trousers, delighting in the hiss of pleasure that he draws from Ren.

Another wave of Ren’s lust floods him and Ren sinks his teeth into one of Hux’s shoulders in the perfect spot to make him moan. ‘How are you-’ Hux whines as Ren finally grinds his palm down on Hux’s still-covered groin.

‘I’m reading your mind, you’re so open right now.’

‘No.’ The word catches in his throat, he doesn’t like that image, it makes him sound vulnerable, but then Ren is hugging him again, pressing kisses against his lips to whisper to him.

‘It’s alright, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s good that I can hear you, feel your thoughts.’

Hux tries to shake off the fear, shivering as Ren waits patiently, his hands still. It’s that consideration for his renewed consent that makes him feel safe again, knowing Ren will stop if he asks. Saying that he trusts Ren is unnecessary so he doesn’t, lets him feel it instead as Hux squirms under him, demanding more. ‘Keep going.’

Ren’s hand slides back down his body, their gazes locked as if Ren’s confirming he’s truly alright and Hux nods at the unasked question as Ren pauses at the waist of his trousers. His hand feels impossibly huge and warm as he slides Hux’s cock free, running curious fingers over him too lightly to provide any relief. ‘Kylo.’ Hux growls in warning, bucking his hips up to rub himself against Ren’s hand. Ren smiles at him, spitting into his palm before finally wrapping his hand around Hux’s cock, stroking him in a steady rhythm that makes Hux thrust into his grip, small, shaky moans spilling out of him.

It feels good, almost too good, as if Ren’s reawakened some hidden part of him that’s been lying dormant. Ren’s desire for him edges further into his mind, the intensity as arousing as the physical sensations that Ren wrings from him. ‘Fuck, Kylo.’ Hux digs his fingers into Ren’s shoulders, pulling him down to whimper into his mouth, trying to spread his legs wider but Ren’s still straddling him. Ren’s thumb glides slickly over the head of his leaking cock and Hux writhes, panting as Ren kisses down his neck. He can’t think, can’t breathe, wants Ren inside him because he’s so empty, so alone. He feels as though he might float off the bed and he pulls Ren down on top of him, the weight pressing him into the mattress, reassuring him that neither of them will vanish.

Then Ren’s mind is pouring into his, adoration and need filling up all the hollow places inside him. It’s more intimate than the hand on him, as if Ren is actually fucking him deep and hard, and Hux clings to him helplessly, whimpering as his cock pulses in time with both their heartbeats, Ren continuing to stroke him with the same slow movements. The look in Ren’s eyes is what finishes him, the love and desire, and he loses himself in their mutual feelings even as he cries out, his hips jerking upwards into Ren’s hand, the ecstasy in both their minds more intense than any physical climax.

When he comes back to himself he’s still hazy with the aftershocks of their shared pleasure. Ren is sprawled across him, one unmoving hand resting on his softening cock. His own hand is tangled in Ren’s hair, the other on Ren’s shoulder, a row of bloody scratches under it. He runs his fingers across them in apology as Ren stirs to rub lightly against the bed. ‘Want help with that?’

Ren’s face reddens slightly. ‘I’m done.’

‘Without being touched?’ Hux raises an eyebrow.

‘You were really enjoying yourself. Loudly.’ Ren gestures at his head in demonstration.

‘Oh.’ Hux has never considered the possibilities of having a lover who can read his mind during sex and even as wrung out as he is his mind files the information for later use. There’s an obvious benefit to him too, it’s the best orgasm he’s ever had despite no one getting fucked, physically at least. ‘I think you’ve ruined me for sex with anyone else.’ Hux laughs weakly, meaning it as a joke even though he never wants to be touched by anyone but Ren.

Ren snarls and kisses him fiercely. ‘Good.’ He’s exhausted but Ren retains enough presence of mind to get out of bed and clean them both up before lying back down, tucking Hux against him as he falls asleep.

 

‘Torrin is going to be in this corridor here.’ Ren points at the location on the schematic he’s pulled up on the datapad. ‘We’ve arranged to have the security cameras malfunction and our path there should be mostly deserted. Only a few trusted allies know of our exact plans.’ Ren glances at him and Hux nods his approval, eager to go. ‘How good a shot are you?’ Ren passes him a blaster of the type favoured by most First Order officers.

Hux snorts in amusement as he inspects the weapon to confirm it will fire properly. ‘I’m an expert marksman, don’t worry.’

‘Have you ever killed anyone before?’ Ren does sound worried.

‘Yes.’ He smiles crookedly at Ren’s surprise, he’s obviously basing the question on what he’s read of Hux’s record, or more accurately, on the heavily-redacted official version. Maybe someday he’ll tell Ren what’s missing from those files.

‘Um, okay. She’ll be accompanied by two of her aides, we’re going to set them up as the assassins. I’ll take care of that part.’

Hux nods again.

Ren gathers him into his arms, brushing kisses against his hair. ‘Are you going to be able to handle seeing her?’

Once, the question would have made him bristle but he knows that Ren is only asking out of consideration for him. ‘I have to do this, Kylo.’

‘I know.’ Ren kisses him properly, reassurance and promise both.

 

Hux rests his back on the wall behind him, tapping the borrowed blaster against his leg as he waits, the anticipation of killing one of his tormentors goading him on. He can’t see Ren from here but the presence in his mind reassures him that he’s close, and ready to play his part.

As footsteps and voices echo down the corridor Hux tenses, waiting until Ren reaches out to freeze the aides in place with the Force, the cessation of their footsteps the signal. Torrin isn’t being immobilised, she needs to be Hux’s alone.

He steps out from the shadows almost casually, pointing the blaster at Torrin as he moves into a firing stance. Hux gives her barely enough time to realise that she’s going to die, to know that she’s being gunned down by someone she thought was a worthless whore, watching her eyes widen fractionally in panic as he squeezes the trigger. She’s dead after the first shot, but he shoots her corpse twice more just to be sure. It fits with their subterfuge about desperate Resistance assassins anyway and he gets some satisfaction out of doing it even if he’d rather have shot her in the stomach and watched her bleed to death in agony.

Ren watches him with a look that wavers between admiration and lust but he completes his part of the set-up, walking the aides around to the correct location before killing them. Hux watches with a vague detachment as Ren makes quick work of them, their deaths are unfortunate collateral but Hux can’t find it in himself to be too upset about them.

‘Did it help?’ Ren asks him quietly as he completes his task.

‘No.’ Because her death doesn’t erase what she did to him, but some of his tension eases, the memories seeming softer and less clear as he stares at her body. ‘Maybe. Let’s just go.’

Ren holds a hand out to him and after a moment of consideration Hux takes it, willing to accept Ren’s seemingly tireless support. ‘Thank you.’ He nuzzles the side of Ren’s shoulder in lieu of a kiss and Ren hums a pleased assent, the sound oddly distorted through his mask.

When they reach a junction in the corridor Ren glances both ways then looks at Hux. He realises one direction leads to a hangar, the other back to Ren’s quarters, Ren is waiting for him to choose and he squeezes Hux’s hand in reassurance that he’ll follow no matter what his decision is. It only takes a moment until Hux turns resolutely towards Ren’s quarters. ‘We still have a Resistance to take revenge on.’

He can feel Ren’s vicious grin behind him and there’s a surge of love and approval in his mind. ‘I can’t wait.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sortof feel like this got really bizarre at some point but there it is anyway, so thanks for reading!
> 
> Adding a note here to mention that I was attempting to finish this before I went on holiday and I feel like I rushed the ending a bit. I'm also starting to hate leaving the story here and I have Ideas! so there will likely be a sequel around June.


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